my brain has come up with yet another weird scenario. i dreamt that i was walking around a mall, and i had a boyfriend. we were looking at random stores and talking. it was peaceful, we hugged. i was really happy. then out of nowhere i was standing in a treehouse with a friend. a group of people were tracking and chasing us, so we had to escape. i opened up a trapdoor in the wall that had a portal inside, we ended up in some weird unknown place and went through another portal back to the treehouse. there was a huge opening in the wall, on the other side was a "hall of memories" or something like that. it was bright and had big screens displaying memories that we could view or enter. we jumped to the bottom, it was really deep, and decided the people couldn't find us down there. in front of me i could see a memory of another friend's dad dying from a heart attack during a zombie apocalypse. of course that's not a real memory i have, but anyway we decided to enter it and bury him. i left a hairtie on his grave. we checked the area out, there was a small lake/pond and a big house on a hill. the water was full of shrimp, there was shrimp everywhere all over the ground too. i don't know why. i started walking up the hill and there was a bear. my friend hit it in the face with a shovel even though i told him not to, so i tried to heal the bear and kept it as a pet. outside of the house there was a small shelter full of collectibles like baseball cards and caps. i saw names on signs. after walking around for a while i woke up.

this is the first dream i'm writing down in 4 months because i lost motivation, yay me. i had a nightmare that my bedroom was haunted, i get this often and i hate it because i feel like it's a sign. anyway nothing super significant happened other than i was paralyzed out of fear in bed, just how i used to be in my old apartment. in the past months i've had a lot of nightmares. still a lot of zombie apocalypse ones. another was about being raped, and then i had one about a spider falling into my fucking eye. i shot right out of bed because that shit woke me up and i thought it was real for like 2 minutes. i need to do a better job at this, i enjoy keeping track of what my mind conjures at night. i also had a dream where i was holed up in an apartment during the apocalypse, with some guy who took care of me because my mental state was fucked, and i wasn't even there in the moment most of the time because i was dissociating so hard. anyway, there was a knock at the door and negan of all people entered our apartment. he spoke to the guy for a while, i was hiding under a desk and not saying anything. then negan came up to me and told me everything would be okay if i went with him, back to the sanctuary. i was scared but he lifted me up and i really felt at peace.

i had like 3 dreams but i only vividly remember one of them. first i was visiting my grandma and i kept getting texts from old friends on my first flip phone, then my best friend was there and we hugged. then out of nowhere i was outside in a field where a cop had crashed his motorbike and he called in for backup. he was mad at his wife, she was standing out in a field and suddenly he ran at her to beat her. anyway then i was in an abandoned house with quackity and aksel, we almost threw up cause there was a shit ton of expired food from like the 80's. after a while the owner of the building showed up, it was some canadian woman and we rushed out of there but someone had stolen our car. it all changed again and i was at prom, i had a group of friends and a boyfriend but for some reason they were all mad at me and wouldn't let me hang with them. so i was spending the night alone just taking pictures or whatever until some guy came up to me like "hey wanna dance" and out of boredom i did, then my boyfriend got jealous and ripped away someone's chair and started dancing with it. later on i was talking to my friends and we all got over whatever we had fought about and did that thing where everyone stands in a circle and puts their hands in the middle then raises them up. after that, i woke up.

i had a horrible fucking nightmare and it's been on my mind all day, keeping me on the verge of tears. i was walking down a path in my old neighbourhood and i entered one of the houses. there was a man standing there, and he spoke to me as if he was my best friend. we were talking in the kitchen and then he asked me to sit down, because he had to tell me something important. i sat down and he transformed into my best friend who i've known since before first grade. her expression was the saddest thing i've ever seen, the emotion was so strong that it made me feel sad instantly. then she started telling me about how she was headed to my house one day years ago when we were little. she came to my neighbourhood and had almost reached the part where i lived when a man came along and lured her off the path. he took her to a small "mountain" and brutally raped her, over and over again. then he left her in the grass. she was physically there but so broken that her mind had gone somewhere else. she never came to my house that day. instead, she went back home and her parents weren't there. so she fixed herself up and acted as if that shit never even happend. at this point in the nightmare i was sobbing my fucking eyes out because just the thought of anyone hurting her makes it feel like the world is going to explode. i asked if i could hug her, because i was scared i'd accidentally trigger something just by touching her. she said yes and i held her while i was crying and telling her how i wanted to kill that son of a bitch, but she told me it'd been so long that it wouldn't be worth it anymore. this nightmare felt so fucking real that i was sobbing as i woke up. i don't know if my best friend has ever actually been assaulted but i would give my life just to make sure she hasn't. earlier i was dissociating and doing some thinking. i came to the conclusion that this must've been a sign. maybe i'm subconsciously ready to tell her what happened to me. i almost did, but she's away at some camp this week and i don't want to ruin anything for her. i usually have about 3 dreams per night but the other ones that i had are insignificant compared to this one, i think i'll leave this entry as is.